Embracing Life

I wanted to write a moving and inspirational post about celebrating my two-year post-transplant milestone. (I also wanted to post a nice family picture, where everyone was looking at the camera, the twins did not have to be separated because they were hitting each other, the shorter boy on the right was not squeezing his brother's stomach too tightly, and I did not have a glowing bulb of sunlight shining brightly on my lady parts, but well... you know... that's life.) Instead I will share one of my favorite pictures of this day. We had wanted to do an outdoor autumn photo shoot with my family (grandparents included). It was scheduled for the end of September in Chicago. So of course, I bought (matching) long-sleeved shirts for the boys, had a pretty (color-coordinating) sweater picked out for my girl, Keith was going to wear his grey pullover, and I lovingly pulled out my tights and boots for what I thought was going to be a cool and beautiful fall day. It was 88 degrees...

Today was one of those mornings: The alarm didn't go off so we got up late.  I have had a horrible headache since 7 p.m. last night.  I had a meeting with Colin's teacher, and we got stuck in traffic. I realized halfway to school that I had life my cell phone at home. Let's not talk about the meeting with the teacher. I hurried to work - no phone, head-aching, jaw hurting (apparently I clench my jaw when stressed...) Upset student waiting in the lobby to walk to me as soon as I walked in the door. All I wanted was some coffee.  And quiet. Obviously that was not going to happen. I sat down with the student ready to take the brunt of whatever had happened to upset her.  Now I can't get into details about students. But it turns out, she had a simple situation. One that could have been taken care of yesterday when she spoke to someone else, but that person had given her wrong information. Thus setting into motion the events that happened today. Not to menti...

The music filled my head as I drove my car along the winding river road on that dark and snowy night.  I had just left my grandpa's wake and was headed home... alone.....  My husband had the stomach flu, we had moved into our new house the day before my grandpa passed, and I was 5 1/2 months pregnant.  The baby boy inside me kicked along with the song, as I cried and listened to the words. Mama told me when I was young Come sit beside me, my only son And listen closely to what I say. And if you do this It will help you some sunny day. Take your time... Don't live too fast, Troubles will come and they will pass. Go find a woman and you'll find love, And don't forget son, There is someone up above. I've always found comfort in songs... the words of the artists resonating with me through even my darkest times. Lynyrd Skynyrd's Simple Man is one of those songs that just happens to play on the radio at the precise moment that I need a remind...

Last week, a co-worker leaned across the table and whispered loudly, "You look tired!" The other people at the table turned to me and stared, their gazes scrutinizing me,  causing me to stammer something about how I am running a fundraiser for the kids' school. She responded with a comment on how I work full time and have three kids, so why am I volunteering? Ummmmmmmm........"because that's what moms do" didn't really seem like the right response. Neither did "well no one else stepped up", although those both are the reasons. The real response I should have given to "you look tired" is not completely professional or work appropriate. Yelling loudly, "Well of course I do! I'm trying to balance 20 million things at once, and I'm overloaded! I don't sleep well since I can't shut my brain off at 10 p.m. when the to-do list didn't get done, and I feel like crap because of some health issues I have! Not t...

http://darkfaeriecreations.blogspot.com/p/my-illustrations.html I grew up in a world of Princesses waiting for their Prince Charmings to save them. A land of mystery and make-believe. I didn't see these princesses on tv (as my kids do today), but rather through words.  I devoured books like chocolate, constantly reading (and re-reading) a never-ending supply of books from home and the local library.  No one told me I couldn't, no where was it stated that in my land of make-believe, with princesses and horses and murder and secret clocks, my life would be outwardly affected.  You know, the way it is today.  As quickly as Disney creates a new princess movie, the media and people around me complain about how we need to stop the princess syndrome, we need to teach our little girls independence, we need to show them that it's not necessary to wait for Prince Charming to ride up on a white horse and slay that dragon. Now I hear about how inappropriate Barbies are be...

I had a temper tantrum today. It was much like the one my daughter was throwing at the same time. I, however, kept my pants on.  We were almost ready to walk out the door for school and work.  They had been less than stellar this morning - fighting with each other, crawling up the stairs because they couldn't walk up them, one was walking around with just one boot on because he didn't want to wear the other one.  The kitchen table was still full of crumbs from breakfast, my work bag was tipped over (and I was picturing my tomato soup spilling all over the inside...), and although she was dressed in her hat and coat, my daughter suddenly decided she didn't like the pants she had on.  They didn't fit right.  Of course, I told her, that is what I said 45 minutes earlier when she put them on. I told her then they didn't fit and she shouldn't wear them. And in her usual, independent way, she put her hands on her hips and told me I was wrong.  Who am I to a...

...when this is what your work bag looks like this! Items include: Eucalyptus tea for my sinus infection Peaceful Parenting book to read at lunch Colin's Spider-man lunch bag because I couldn't find mine Keira's special unicorn that she put in my bag Way at the bottom are my datebook and notebook with the story I'm writing In the comments below,  share the things in your bag that remind you that you are a mom!

I've fallen behind already! Yesterday's prompt was: June 11-- Best day of your life. On day 2 of my twins' lives, my little twinkles were separated.  Colin has what the nurses called "lazy boy syndrome" and was not eating.  I had to drive away from the hospital without my baby. If you've never had to leave a baby in the NICU,  you can never understand the pain I had in my heart.  On day 14, he came home: It was the best day ever. Except for the part where he peed on me and it got me in the eye.

I am a working mother of 3, who has never made it to story time. I leave my children in the care of grandmas and daycare and kindergarten teachers. I feel like I suck today. I can juggle coffee, an umbrella, two bags and a 3 year old, and wrangle them all into the car without spilling anything on myself. I pawn off doctor's visits on others, so that I can save my sick time for the days I have no back-up, which happens quite alot. In fact, I really haven't had sick time at work in 3 years. I usually go to work when I myself am ill so that I can save my time for when my kids need me. I do it all without a nanny, a chef, a personal trainer, or a housekeeper. I feel the need to interject this monologue with a statement that I don't dislike people with housekeepers or nannies, I just wish I were you. I'm a Type A minus personality, which annoys me that I can't be perfect. I'm an overachiever who makes her sister hate her at times because I strive to be the bes...

I'm the kind of mom that is sad over the little things.  As my soon-to-be five year old heads off to kindergarten, and the twins turn three later this month, I am sad that my babies are no longer babies.  While I am excited to see what the future holds, there is a place in my heart that cries as I imagine a life with no more babies (and no more new babies).  One of the things you do as your children get older is get rid of those things that they are too big to play with.  Connor received a swing/slide castle for his first birthday, and it's seen a lot of play in our backyard.  Tonight, as I watched it drive off to a new home with three little "babies", my eyes were filled with tears of happy memories of time spent in the backyard.  While I know there are a multitude of more memories to be made, I have a hard time looking forward tonight.  I'm thankful for the wonderful times we were blessed to have, and I pray that there will be many more...

Sunday was a fabulous day.  I started it off early in the morning, running my first ever 5K.  It was amazing.  It took me a little longer than I had thought it would, but I didn't come in last place, so the race was a success. ;) Keith had gotten me flowers a couple days before, and Connor had picked out a giant heart chocolate chip cookie at the grocery store the day before.  The twins also surprised me with plants and very cool necklaces that they made at school. The white carnation was handed out to all the runners after the race.  Connor picked mine out! Keith also surprised me on Sunday with a beautiful bracelet from etsy. It's kind of hard to see (because I took a picture on my phone), but the charms are personalized:  Connor (rectangle), Keira (larger disc) and Colin (smaller disc), as well as 10.30.04 (the date we got married - located on the right side of the picture).  There are also charms such as a heart, key, four-leaf clover...

Three years ago today, I was giddy with the excitement of finding out whether my second pregnancy would bless us with a boy or a girl.  Anxiously I lay on the table, waiting for the tech to get a good view of the baby.  My husband stood by my side, and my mother sat on a chair across the room.  I still remember, with a flutter in my heart, looking at the screen and seeing that something was not quite right.  What were those two round things, floating on the screen?  Even I knew that wasn't what a normal ultrasound should look like. A moment later, the ultrasound tech spoke those heart-stopping words: There are the two heads . Of course, she didn't mean I was having a two-headed baby (although, in the panic, the thought spent a fleeting moment in my mind.)  Rather, it was our first introduction to the lives of twins. Two heads.              Two babies.      ...

Today over at Mama Kat's , one of the prompts is to write about "That one time you met your online friend in real life (was it everything you thought it would be?)" After Connor was born, I joined his birth board at Babycenter. There, I was able to talk with a lot wonderful women who were going through the same thing that I was.  They gave great advice and really helped me out with my first-time mom questions.  As the group grew, we broke off into separate groups, although the main onesstill existed.  Some of those women are my best mommy friends even today.  One of the groups I was a part of actually branched out to another website.  We were able to really get to know each other and bond over many things.  One of my friends, Cathy, was traveling down to where I live for work.  We decided to meet.  I remember being nervous, wondering if she would like me.  It was like getting ready for a blind date.  ;)  I ...

I read a blog recently that talked about food.  The mom was very careful to say she buys farm-fresh food, only organic fruits and veggies, blah blah blah.  Then she added how she fed her child a hot dog.  But she couldn't just say hot dog.  She had to specify it was nitrate free, turkey based, something or other. But why? Who cares? Is she so afraid of being judged for giving her child a real hot dog that she must waste precious words of her post making it damn clear that it was a super-healthy hot dog? Let me stand up and be the first to say I feed my kids real hot dogs.  Well all-beef ones, but still.  I didn't cloth diaper, not because I don't care about the environment, but because I'm lazy, and it's gross to me.  However, I am planning on buying some cloth pull-ups because it's cheaper......... I didn't exclusively breast-feed, and my kids turned out fine. My kids have ketchup almost every night at dinner. My kids eat McDonalds. ...

Before I start playing along with Julia at Work, Wife, Mom...Life,  I thought I'd mention Colin. RSV in March +  reactive airway disease in July = wheezing and 48 breaths a minute in September.  Monday night found us in Urgent Care, having his O2 levels (it was 95) and his breathing (wheezing) checked.  We came home with albuterol, steroids, and an antibiotic.  But the most important thing: we got to come home! Rather than spend another night in the hospital, like we did the past two times he had respiratory issues. I am very thankful to all my facebook and twins club friends who prayed for us. (Also, in an attempt to be overly prepared, I actually packed a bag for the hospital should it come to that.  That might have helped too.) Ok, so over at Working Mommy Wednesday , we've got two prompts: 1. You know you're a working mom when.... 2. A time you said something inappropriate (a bad joke, a snarky remark, a comment to your boss, etc.) ...

For some reason, this quote popped in my head while I was getting ready for work. "...We must be beautiful, powerful, and without regret." This is a quote from Interview with the Vampire , by Anne Rice. Sure, when Armand said it, he was referring to vampires.  But can't it also be applied to mommies as well??? All mothers are beautiful . The very act of giving birth is an act of beauty and creation.  This tiny little thing was made by you.  He or she is yours to love forever.  But after birth, you are left overweight (well most of us are), with stretch marks and other such physical and emotional reminders of what had happened.  Maybe you even use your body to nourish your child.  You spent all your time focusing on your kids, you forget yourself.  Your life becomes one of schedules, and diapers, and feedings, and more diapers.  But you need to take the time for yourself.  You need to find yourself within the mommy that you've become....

... is memory loss. I used to have an awesome memory.  But sometime after having the twins, it's like it was sucked out of me.  Perhaps it was.  When I was pregnant with the twins, they took all my iron.  All of it.  The ob told me I needed to add an extra cheeseburger or two a day to my diet.  Not that I minded.  Those sausage egg mcmuffins are actually filled with lots of protein, another thing the twins stole from me... Then I nursed them for six months.  And they stole more of my nutrients.  That was about the time I noticed my memory was going too. Thieves.  Cute thieves, but thieves nonetheless. And now, I live by my to-do list.  If it's not in the planner or on a list, it doesn't exist.  At least in my mind.  I should mention that while I have a heck of a time remembering things to do, people to call, or switching from flip flops to sandals before heading out the door to work, I do excel at remembering t...