Missing the moments
I hear my kids misbehave after school.
I wouldn't know, as I work full-time. And it's not because I want to (although I do enjoy helping students). I work to pay the bills and carry the insurance.
I miss the moments of picking the kids up from school and finding out about their day. Instead, I walk in the door at 5:10 p.m. to chaos with the kids running around and the husband telling me that supper is ready. We hurry to sit down; there is still so much left to do before bed. It's hard to keep the lives of five people straight.
I feel my brain is on overload: the never-ending to do list, the volunteer "jobs" I'm involved with, the constant demand on my time....at work, the door is constantly being opened by people who need my assistance; at home, it's always "mommy, mommy, MOMMY!"; the emails - did you do this? finish that? can you update this?
I'm spent I tell you.
This working mother thing is hard.
Will I someday miss these moments? The hurried ones? The crazy ones?
Will the future me sit and be bored some day with no demands on her time?
Will I have wasted away from kidney disease
before I even get the chance to miss the time I'm living now?
I find myself wondering many things these days....
what's the point of it all?
To quote my favorite movie:
There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a Quarter-Pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle... and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.