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Looking back...

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to travel downstate for a meeting, held near the campus of my alma mater.  This meeting happens a couple of times a year, so it's not the first opportunity I've had to be back on campus.  But one thing that always remains the same is the feeling I get when I'm heading back home - that long lost radio station is playing music like it did back then, the sun is shining down through the sunroof (although I'm driving a much nicer car this time), and the memories of days gone by replay in my head.

It's not often that I get four hours alone to myself, just to think.  Somedays, I am lucky if I can take a shower without a child or two pounding on the bathroom door.  Meal times are a chaotic affiar.  And bed time.... well that just takes for.ev.er.

It's not that I want to go back to college, although a carefree day every so often would be nice.  I think back to the songs that held so much meaning in my life; the people that made such a difference; the guy, that one guy, that I never think of anymore.  I think back to A and M and wonder where they are right now, if they ever made it back to college after failing out.  I think of E who disappeared from all our lives, even though she lives in the same town as me.  I think of that time, I did that one thing, the something that even back then was too illegal to mention on a public blog.  I remember M and his tongue ring and his vampire books and think, what would my life be like now if he hadn't waited so long to make his move. My mind is filled with memories, with thoughts, with poems, the ones that I never get the time to think of anymore because it's too busy processing appointments, and work, and that never-ending to do list.

There is a moment as the road stretches endlessly into the blue sky peppered with white clouds.  I am listening to the music of my youth and the radio station begins to lose it's signal...I hold out hope, straining to hear the final lyrics as they are replaced with static and his voice (ahhh.... Eddie Veddar.....and Jeremy) fades away. 

A reminder that the past is truly gone. 

A smile sadly graces my face, as I wave to what was and drive home to what is.

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