Skip to main content

When is enough, enough?

Last night, as I was rocking a sick little boy, trying to wait for a cue he might throw up, (those cues I missed the night before when he did throw up, all over me...), I thought back to a conversation I had with my mom on Easter. We were at my grandma's house, and she was resting on the couch. We were sitting in the middle of the chaos of five children, 5 and under, running around and creating general mayhem. Out of the blue, my lovely mother said four very shocking words: "You should have another."

I looked around in general disbelief, wondering who she was talking to. I could see my three children: Connor, fighting with his cousin Lexi, over who got which Mickey figuerine (they were basically the same), Keira, marching around singing her made-up song and eating a pretzel stick, crumbs flying everywhere, and Colin, standing on a small chair and falling backwards into my arms because he thought was a fun game, over and over again.

I responded with, "Thanks, but I'm good."

She looked at me with the all-knowing eyes of a mother. "But you want another one, don't you?"

Truth be told, I do and I don't. I grew up with one sister. In my head, before I got pregnant with Connor, I told myself I only wanted two kids. Keith was fine with that as well, coming from a two-sibling household. But then I had Connor. And decided I wanted like a million of them. I had an awesome pregnancy. I was trotting around Disney World, six months pregnant, felt fine the whole time, went into labor the day after my due date, and was up and walking around after giving birth within an hour or so. I could do that again and again.

Keith and I wanted the kids to be roughly 2.5 years apart. I got anxious though, and we started trying just a little earlier than we should have. The morning sickness the second time around was awful. We were planning on our second baby coming in July of 2008. In my heart, I knew I wanted at least three, Keith was still set on this was our last. Surprise, suprise, that 20 week ultrasound showed our two little miracles! I thought twins was God's way of giving me three kids without having to fight Keith for another one! For a twin pregnancy, it was a pretty good one. I worked up until 36 weeks, had the twinkles (no c-section!) 6 days later, and except for Colin's two-week stint in the NICU, had basically healthy babies on my hands.

After the twins were born, and we made it through that first (tough) year, I waited to get the baby urge again. I still don't have it. In my heart, I go back and forth between wanting and not wanting. I think my family is complete with the three we have. But other times, I think, maybe when the chaos is over, and the twins are potty-trained, and I'm not so exhausted all the time... maybe then.

But I think that Keith would leave me if I did get pregnant again. (Not really, because he is not like that. But he might consider it!) He's made it clear he is done. He wants to officially be done DONE, if you know what I mean. He is weird, he is not into adoption. I could see that in my future as well. Maybe if I don't want the morning sickness, the pregnancy exhaustion, the one in twelve chances of having twins again, I could still have another child. I know I've got the love in my heart for him/her.

My mom's comment makes me wonder how many kids she really wanted. Why she stopped at two. Could there have been more? She had preeclampsia with my younger sister, so maybe she was advised not to have another. She is one-third of the daycare team that cares for my kids while my husband and I work. And at this time in our lives, we have to work. She seems stressed out quite a bit on the days she gets 3 kids at a time, could I imagine adding another to a mix? Probably not.

For now, I will just be content with my family of five.

Comments

TwinMomMichelle said…
I totally feel you on the wanting and not wanting more. My husband and I only had two in our plan. When two came at once (and neither of them was a boy), hubby decided that we shouldn't be done. There are times when I want another mostly to experience what everyone else gets to experience with one baby at a time. But, there are other times when I think that I could be done.
Annie said…
I agree, sometimes I want another baby and other times just say no.
MJ said…
Funny, my husband shocked me a few weeks back by saying we should have another one! I don't have the baby urge either. I know I could do it, loved being pregnant, but I don't know if I want to do it all over again either. 3 is enough for me too. It won't be soon if we do go for it though.

Melissa

Popular posts from this blog

Book Review...and a Giveaway!!!

I was lucky enough to win an ARC of When the Rogue Returns from Sabrina Jeffries herself! I couldn't wait to read it.  After reading the first book in The Duke's Men series, What the Duke Desires, I was excited to see that this next book was about Victor Cale.

In When the Rogue Returns, Victor Cale is headed to Scotland to investigate a woman, Sofie Franke.  He has his suspicions that this woman is actually Isabella, his wife who disappeared on him ten years before.  He has spent the last decade searching to bring her to justice after she stole the royal jewels and left him to behind to deal with the authorities.  Isabella Cale, now known as Sofie Franke, has built a new life for herself and her ten-year old daughter after her husband ran off with the royal jewels.

Are you intrigued yet?

Victor and Isa's first meeting was great! Both blame the other for the missing jewels, and both are greatly suspicious of the other's motives.  Despite their renewed feelings of pas…

The Tree of Life

My name is Sarah, and it's been 11 months since my last post. I've thought about it, but life is constantly getting in the way. I even made a goal this year to write more, but it really hasn't happened yet.  Until today.

I went on Facebook this morning to check if there were any updates about the accident I saw on the way to work. Instead, I saw an obituary for a woman I've never met. But I know who she is. She received a kidney transplant a few months before I received mine.

And according to her FB page, she had a difficult time leading up to transplant, a tough recovery, lots of additional illnesses and setbacks, and long hospital stays.

I, on the other hand, never had dialysis, was on the transplant list for an unbelievable 5 months (the wait list is normally 5 YEARS), had a 3-day hospital stay, and other than not tolerating pain medication (so I could only take Tylenol which did nothing for the pain), I've been on my merry, healthy way for over 3 years.

I saw …

The Cindy Tote - A Review

I have been wanting a new work bag for, well, ever. In fact, I told Keith recently that I really wanted the Thirty-One Cindy tote, but couldn't justify the price at this time. He mentioned that since I had been complaining about this for well over two years, I could use part of our tax refund to get a bag for myself. I was super excited, but wanted to make sure it was going to be money well spent.

I emailed my wonderful friend, MB, who confirmed that yes, the Cindy tote was a great bag, and..... there was a great deal going on this month as well!

*Please excuse the cell phone pictures, our computer is still broken and I (meaning Keith and the mess that his desk) still cannot find the camera cord.

The front.  Isn't it pretty? 
And no, I swear I did not hug the bag  out of happiness when  I first took it out of the box.



The inside has one zippered pocket,  as well as three deep open pockets.   There is nothing I like more than a bag with lots of pockets.

Here it is filled with my …